DATE: 12/12/2007 13:46:47 / MOOD: disappointed

well i got to see my mum and dad today,which is always nice but uncomfortable.the thing is they always ask me how i am an wot ive bin up 2,yet wen i tell them they always make funny faces wen i mention iains name.but how can i help but mention his name??he is a major part of my life,an everything i do involves him so of course his name is guna cum up??!!it was the same wen mum asked if i was ok coz i was looking so tired,an wen i sed iain had been in hospital,an started telling her all about it,she actually(very noticably)changed the subject like wot i was talking about wasnt that important.

well,im just home and there was 3 bags of presents.and wen i was putting them in the cupboard,i noticed a box of chocolates an biscuits,meant for me as mum had already sed that.but i noticed she has also bought me 2 presents.she didnt tell me that.iain looked heartbroken.he made a joke about it(like he always does)an sed dont suppose there is one for me??but that just makes me feel bad.like its my fault.why cant they jus get passed this??its so frustrating.i mean for gods sake he is my husband now,so its not like he a temporary fixture!!!he here an thats it.thing that makes this worse is,i remember yrs ago my older sis ended up with someone my parents despised,but they ended up giving him the benefit of the doubt within 3 months!!just to have him beat her up an half kill her!iain has never done a thing like that,so why is it so different??

sorry agen guys,i just needed a rant!xx

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DATE: 12/11/2007 14:57:54 / MOOD: other

wow!my mum just called!i dont know how many of you know the situation with my parents but we dont really get along anymore.so i was so suprised wen she rang!she was wondering how she was guna get the kids pressies to me,as she wont cum to the house.i am a fool!i told her i wud b in the town nr her tomorrow as i had a meeting at the college.so she is meeting me at half 10 outside the college.this is guna b strange!specially as my dad is guna b there.which will make the atmosphere even worse!jeez,dreadin it now!!wish me luck!!

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DATE: 12/11/2007 14:40:54 / MOOD: in love

iain has really annoyed me today.the poor man is just getting sick of sitting about doing nothing,an has attempted to much.(which i did warn him about!)this morning he got up saying he felt ok to help,so i sed ok but not too much.next thing i know he is in bedroom taking through the tumble dryer to the kitchen,half waay there he got up on the dryer an went into the loft for the xmas tree!!i sed wot the hell u doing????oh im ok he says stop ur moaning!well about an hr ago,he started looking like he was guna fall aslepp standinbg up!!i had warned him,but he didnt listen,but now i think he gets it!he is sleeping now,so im praying he gets it now!!

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DATE: 12/11/2007 14:24:35 / MOOD: other

hey everyone.need advice.bradleys behaviour is getting worse!!he is just into everything,and if he doesnt get what he wants he screams an stamps his feet an hits out.but lately it has just been constant!past few days have been relly hard to control him.i dont even remember joshua bein this bad when he was 2!he rarely sleeps anymore.he will mayb sleep for half hr during the day,but these past few nights he wont settle at his normal bedtime.ive seen me having to see to him again bout half 10.one night think it was 2 nights ago,he was still up playing til 11,and wen he did finally settle he was up gen at 5am!this isnt normal for bradley as he usually settles by 8pm an awake no earlier than half 6.where am i going wrong????

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DATE: 12/10/2007 15:10:19 / MOOD: in love

hey everyone.iain is still in alot of pain and cant eat but,he is able to move about abit now.he even got up this morning an helped out little.although he is now shattered again,and is sleeping,but he is managing to make small improvements everyday.

last nyte he fell out with me coz he cant remember our conversation about not trying for a baby anymore.we spoke about it last nyte an i sed we have discussed this already,an he cudnt remember,an asked wot i meant an wen i sed we should hold off on it he sed i didnt say that!i sed wot if i had been 8mths pg wen this happened?or even better wot if we had a newborn an this hppened??he sed well the same cud b sed for wen i had pulled a muscle in my bk an cudnt move for 3 days.so i sed exactly,u neva know wots round the corner an we shud wait til the babies are bit older.nothing was really sed after that.

so....i have made the first step to putting my point across.i have called the nearest college and i have an appt on wednesday morning with a guidance councellor to discuss wot courses are available in january an enrolling for one.im either gonna do my access course in nursing(which ive always wanted)or a course in cooking.id prefer the nursing course but i dont think that starts til august 08.

so im moving on and its guna b hard coz i DO want another baby so badly,but im sticking to my decision.i just need to make an appt with the doctor for my injection agen b4 anything happens lol!!xx 

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DATE: 12/09/2007 13:25:44 / MOOD: in love

hi everyone,i just wanted to say a major big happy birthdday to everyone who has a birthday today an tomorrow,as there is far to many to msg personally lol!!happy birthday everyone!!!!!

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DATE: 12/07/2007 14:57:44 / MOOD: other

hey,i almost forgot,i have decided now may not b best time to b thinkin of another baby!although i was panicking coz i thought i was pregnant already.well i done a test today,and im not pregnant.and i cried!!typical me!!but i still think it best waiting now until atleast after xmas wen i know iain is defintley better.so i guess me not bein pregnant is a blessing in disguise.xx

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DATE: 12/07/2007 14:53:27 / MOOD: other

hi everyone.im begining to feel at my wits end.im struggling to handle seeing iain this way.ive been intears with it all.and im struggling.im trying to keep the house clean.look after 2 babies and look after iain who is needing me more than the babies jus now.and i am having to go town myself,with the babies,and get all the shopping,on the bus btw.i got home today and think ive broke the buggy with all the shopping,and then i lifted a bag and it broke an shopping went everywhere.i ended up nrly screaming an crying throwing shopping about.i had bradley crying needin juice caitlyn cryin coz she had pooped and iain needin his meds.he can barely walk still.an im just ready to lose it.he keeps saying sorry but i knw its not his fault.he has even offered to go bk to his mums coz after i seen him in so much pain this mornin i burst out cryin,but he my husband,i shud b avle to deal with this better.everyone is finally sleeping an i am relaxing for first time today,which i shudnt even b doing as i have a pil of washing needing ironed,my sitting room needs hoovered.my kitchen/bathroom/hall needs mopped.and i just dont have it in me to do it!i have sat down and its my first time on my butt since half 7 this mornin,and i cant get up.it doesnt help my back getting bad again,coz im doing moreto soon afterpulling a muscle.i just want to curl up in a ball til everything back to way it was!!

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DATE: 12/06/2007 12:01:08 / MOOD: other

hi everyone.i just wanted to say a big thankyou.i know i have went on a bit bout lot lately.but this is such a good way to say how am feeling even if no one replies.but it has been so heart warming how great everyone has been.its amazing really how ppl i dont know have been more supportive than ppl i do!!and it has been really nice for ppl on here to have been asking how I am.as no one has actually done that,except iains brother on ma bebo!!so once again,thank you everyone!!im eternally grateful!!xxx

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